I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
