Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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