Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize