Pants 0. Shit 1.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
