Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
