I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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