I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
