come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
