i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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