so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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