I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
