It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
