Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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