Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
