Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
