Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he shaved USA in his pubs
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
