i love accidental penises.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
