hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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