I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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