hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
