she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
