oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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