16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
