id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
