she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
