i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
