there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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