Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
