I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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