I need help removing her.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize