I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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