Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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