remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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