ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
