"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
