how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
