Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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