I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
