Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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