I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
