The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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