am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
