we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
