Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He shit in the fireplace
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
