It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
