Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
