I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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