I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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