just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
