We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
