I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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