NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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