ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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