Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
