i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
