My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
