508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
