Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
