i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
