weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
