I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
nutella sex= disaster
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
